Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
