hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it's great music for shaving your balls
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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