so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think your dad took our porno
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
