Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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