I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
from now on my penis is your penis
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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