this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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