He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize