So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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