he referred to my room as the tit cave...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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