So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Randomize
