I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize