That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
