Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
