You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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