My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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