The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
