So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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