I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
be right there i have to get my cape
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
