Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
