just tell him i said nine months
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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