i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
