I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I use my feet as sexual weapons
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
