yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
