I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My penis needs a shock collar
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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