We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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