hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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