I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
