He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
