At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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