I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
