and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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