i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
