Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
