who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize