idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
