shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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