ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
