the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
