Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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