3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
