I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
