We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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