hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
