I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
false alarm. still invincible.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
