he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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