bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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