She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
