i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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