Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
