i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
