I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
