Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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