Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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