My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
