I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
