I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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