i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
