Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
