i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize