Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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