My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
