so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
