break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize