In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just found puke in my bra..
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
