a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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