you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
