Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
