cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
