As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
