i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize