if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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