I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
