you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
