just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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