On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize