Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
