Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
