You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
